I was thinking about stories and creativity recently. And how I always think of myself
as not very creative compared to everybody else out there. I remembered how when I was
a kid I'd use my imagination for a lot of stuff, would often think of useful
inventions without knowing if anyone had thought of it before. I'd have lots of
ambitious but pointless projects like making board games or making pokimanz gym
challenges complete with badges and shit made out of paper.
So I knew at some point I was creative, so where and why did it stop? I think it's
because I got into the mindset that someone had done everything I could ever do. and
that everything I learn about going forward is part of someone else's ideas or creations
and as such anything created from them will never be original.
So if I went to write a story, or make a game, I'd subconciously pull things and probably
make something really cheesy, unoriginal, or shitty. But then there's so many people
online who do exactly that without ever acknowledging or realizing it the way I do,
and still achieve success.
I'm still not sure if I'll ever be able to make anything amazing, but without trying
I'll never even make anything shitty. If I can't make mistakes, I can't learn what's
wrong with them, and if I can't learn what's wrong, I'll never know what's right. So
the bottom line is I should try.
The universe is conspiring against you? When I was younger I used to think about how my part of Canada was pretty small. That all of the world I've seen was pretty much contained within its boundaries. I would see lots of places mentioned on TV, but what if they were all just part of the joke. What if there really wasn't anything outside of my known world, and I was just supposed to think the world is bigger than it is.
To finally settle it, I visited a friend in Toronto. It was an excuse, but my real reason for going was just to prove to myself that there was more world outside of my boundaries. In the end toronto was pretty boring, everything as grey and rainy at the time, and I couldn't tell one building from another. All I know is that the union station was crowded and huge. All in all it was a waste of a trip, I didn't feel like going back or living there.
It was funny though, on the train, as I kept checking the GPS on my phone, I felt like after we passed a certain point the train would stop, we would crash, maybe I'd suddenly become deathly ill, I couldn't believe I was really going outside the world I knew. Guess I'm a little crazy.